i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I'm really busy with my period
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