Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
