im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
