I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
