Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
