Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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