Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
