At least make sure they are 18
Why
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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