If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
