I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
