come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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