Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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