its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My Higher Power is John Stamos
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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