I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
