Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We need to get me chipped asap
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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