I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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