The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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