I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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