all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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