maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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