Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
