Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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