I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
