she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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