If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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