Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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