I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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