Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
