theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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