i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the condom got lost in my hair
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
