You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
