Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
