It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
