god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
