I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have feelings that need drinking.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
