do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
