They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
