i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
