I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
