Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
