Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
