Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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