you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize
