they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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