I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
