if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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