Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
