I need to stop coming to work sober
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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