I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
