Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
