Your face is a jimmy john
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
