i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
not ubering you a puppy
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
