why im i the only drunk person in the library?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
