I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
