we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
