please come you make the beer taste better
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
