Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
