can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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