A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
