I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
