My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
