Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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